In relationships, red flags are often warning signs that something isn’t right, yet many people choose to overlook them, hoping things will get better.
For Nigerians, cultural expectations, societal pressures, and the desire for companionship sometimes make it easy to ignore these signs.
Whether it’s dismissing early signs of dishonesty, ignoring controlling behavior, or tolerating emotional unavailability, many Nigerians have found themselves staying in relationships long after noticing troubling patterns.
As they reflect on these experiences, the biggest red flags they’ve overlooked reveal important lessons about love, trust, and self-worth.
Here, Nigerians share their stories of the red flags they once ignored, but later learned to never dismiss.
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What are red flags in a relationship?
Red flags in a relationship are behaviors or patterns that signal potential problems or unhealthy dynamics between partners.
These warning signs can vary widely, but some common examples include lack of trust, dishonesty, controlling or manipulative behavior, emotional or physical abuse, and poor communication.
A partner who frequently dismisses your feelings or consistently refuses to take responsibility for their actions can also be a major red flag.
Another common red flag is a lack of respect for boundaries, whether it’s pressuring you to do things you’re uncomfortable with or invading your privacy.
While some issues might seem minor at first, red flags often signal deeper problems that can worsen over time if ignored.
They can erode trust and emotional security, leading to resentment or even long-term emotional harm.
Recognizing and addressing these red flags early on is key to maintaining a healthy and balanced relationship, where both partners feel safe, respected, and valued.
Being aware of red flags allows individuals to make informed decisions about whether to continue or reassess their relationship.
Nigerians talk about the red flags they’ve overlooked
Many Nigerians have found themselves in relationships where they ignored early warning signs, hoping things would change for the better.
From patterns of dishonesty to controlling behavior, these red flags were often dismissed in the name of love, cultural pressures, or the fear of being alone.
Over time, they realized the importance of recognizing and addressing these issues sooner. We spoke to 20 Nigerians about the red flags they have overlooked in relationships.
1. Overly controlling behavior
“She was continuously attempting to control my movements, phone calls, what I wore, decisions, and beliefs, and I initially assumed this was because she loved profoundly about me and was constantly looking out for me.
However, after some time, I realized that she was primarily concerned with what she wanted and how much power she wielded over me than with what was best for me.”
-Mr Anthony
2. Physical, mental, or emotional abuse
“Physical violence is easier to identify than emotional and mental abuse.
However, all of them have long-term negative consequences. And they all create a lot of pain and severe PTSD.
Some people believe that abusing others is a form of love, but this is completely wrong since no one should be allowed to treat another person as if they are nothing more than a punching bag.”
-Miss Elozino
3. Lack of respect or trust
He doesn’t trust you, and trust is a necessary cornerstone for any healthy relationship. When your partner distrusts you, it is a clear sign that your relationship is insecure.
And you might expect the person to gradually trust you. You’ll persuade yourself that trust increases with time, only to realise that it’ll never happen.
Naturally, everyone has doubts from time to time. But I don’t think having doubts should prevent you from trusting someone.
Healthy relationships require trust and respect from both you and your partner to function well.
-Miss Tejiri
4. Narcissistic behavior
Being romantically associated with a narcissistic, ego-driven individual is stressful and traumatic.
And you don’t even detect it early enough since you’re not explicitly looking for or expecting to see selfishness when you look at your partner.
You ignore it because that’s simply the way the individual is, their personality.
Their demands and desires will always be valued more highly than yours.
It’s always about them, and before you know it, you’re no longer thinking about yourself because you’ve gotten so used to giving your spouse what they want.
-Mrs Buchi
5. Constant jealousy
Jealousy is normal. When your partner notices that you are spending a lot of time with other people, particularly a specific other person, they will undoubtedly become jealous.
And it can be pleasant to see your spouse jealous since it makes you feel like they genuinely love you and don’t want to lose you.
And that’s how you explain it when your lover is continually envious of your relationships with others.
Especially when it is obvious that they have nothing to be jealous about, but their excessive jealousy confuses their judgment.
Jealousy frequently leads to manipulative methods and other negative conduct.
-Mr John
6. Substance abuse
Substance abuse is an obvious red flag. And you may miss it since you don’t believe it’s a huge concern when your partner starts drinking or doing drugs.
And you want to encourage your spouse, especially if they commit to stop using drugs or drinking.
It shows that the individual struggles with controlling impulses and self-destructive behavior.
Depending on the substance, any relationship might easily become poisonous if addiction exists.
-Miss Hassana
7. Anger management issues
If you are close to someone who has problems with controlling their anger, you may feel threatened or uncomfortable during a disagreement. Lack of emotional management is a clear red flag in any relationship.
We should all feel safe enough with our partners. Anyone, male or female, who utilizes rage as an intimidation tool is engaging in toxic conduct.
-Mr Redeem
8. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a typical manipulative technique and a red sign in any relationship. It is an insidious sort of psychological abuse in which the manipulator causes you to question your very sanity or judgment.
Victims of gaslighting have been made to feel guilty even if they did nothing wrong. Gaslighting is an obvious red flag in any relationship.
-Miss Ijeoma
9. Lack of emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence refers to the capacity to identify and control emotions.
People with a lack of emotional intelligence lack the capacity to understand or empathize with you. This frequently results in unneeded fights or types of manipulation. An absence of emotional intelligence is a common cause of emotional abuse, particularly love bombing.
-Mr Ikenna
10. Codependency
Codependency and the resulting emotional labor may not always appear destructive. However, codependency in relationships can be a pervasive habit, resulting in emotional tiredness and increased mental burden.
Codependency, often known as “relationship addiction,” occurs when two people rely solely on one another for emotional, psychological, and physical support. This isolates individuals from their other relationships and can impede personal development.
-Miss Nora
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11. Inability to communicate openly
One red flag in a man or woman is a lack of desire to talk honestly. Communication is not easy for everyone. Individuals may be hesitant to speak up due to feelings of confrontation, vulnerability, or loss of control. However, if your partner is unwilling to talk, this may indicate a problem.
-Mr Fola
12. Conflict avoidance
People who avoid disagreement may believe they are protecting their relationship from ruin. However, in the end, it leads to long-winded passive aggression.
As difficult as it may be, accepting constructive conflict is an essential component of all relationships. Serious issues cannot be handled in the absence of productive conflict. This can result in bitterness and wasted energy.
-Miss Kamsi
13. Love bombing
Love bombing is yet another huge warning indicator. When someone shows you excessive attention and affection right away, it may be an indication of manipulation. Once the initial phase is over, this type of conduct can swiftly transition into controlling behavior.
-Mr James
14. Social isolation
For many of us, family and friends give a vital sense of community. If someone in your life is having a detrimental impact on your relationships with individuals you care about, it’s a huge red flag. Healthy partnerships should nevr be at the expense of other healthy connections.
-Miss Elizabeth
15. An Obsession with Social Media
While media and social networking sites have become increasingly prevalent in our daily lives, Ury advised keeping an eye out for people who are overly obsessed with their profiles and followers. She stated that 74 percent of Hinge users consider this a red flag since it suggests the person is insecure or self-absorbed.
-Mr Daniel
16. You’re fighting constantly.
It’s one thing to dispute about who forgot to take out the trash, or to accidentally snap at someone and then apologize when you’re in a terrible mood. If fighting—or even subtle aggressiveness—becomes a frequent pattern in your relationship, it’s time to reconsider.
It is impossible to determine how much disagreement is too much.
However, the critical point is if this arguing is balanced by greater, or at least equal, levels of mutually beneficial interactions.
After all, your partner is supposed to be someone you get along well with, so if you spend the most of your time at odds with each other, it could indicate that you’re simply not a good match—at best. At worst, these disputes may indicate a more destructive interpersonal dynamic.
-Miss Fatima
17. They don’t truly listen to you.
We’re not talking about your partner forgetting to pick buy eggs or having to be reminded of your darling dog’s birthday yet again. This is about the significant pieces of yourself that you share with them, such as your hobbies, habits, and the people in your life who help you feel complete.
-Mr Damilola
18. Being secretive
Honesty and trust are essential components of any healthy relationship. However, if your partner conceals secrets from you or frequently skirts the issue, it could indicate that they do not trust you enough to communicate what is truly going on. While some falsehoods may not seem like a huge deal, Schiff advises you to be alert if you believe your partner lies to you frequently.
-Miss Ada
19. Extreme Emotional Reactions
If someone exhibits uncontrollable emotions and frequently flies off the handle, this is a major warning sign. Responding with overwhelming wrath or the “silent treatment” may indicate abusive (physical or emotional) behavior in the future, according to Trombetti. Trombetti went on to say that a lack of empathy could indicate a lack of feeling and concern. In other words, you want someone who is emotionally stable and appropriate for the situation.
-Mr Samuel
20. Bad Relationships with Friends or Family
A lack of familial bonds or negative discourse about friends and family might be concerning, especially if such things are important to you.
Before you consider this a deal-breaker, you should give them the benefit of the doubt and ask your partner why.
-Miss Ifeyinwa
Conclusion
Our conversations with 20 Nigerians about the biggest red flags they’ve overlooked reveal a common thread: many red flags, though often noticed early on, were ignored due to emotional attachment, optimism, or the hope for change.
From poor communication and dishonesty to lack of respect and commitment, these overlooked warning signs ultimately contributed to relationship breakdowns.
The insights shared serve as a reminder of the importance of recognizing and addressing red flags when they arise, as doing so can save time, emotional energy, and heartache in the long run.
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